[[think from different angles..

Monday 3rd of July 2006, 4+A.M.

I finally realised why eeyen couldn’t sleep in the wee hours. I can’t seem to want to sleep. My mood for sleeping had totally vanished into thin air. Ninja-do.. What wonderful memories it had brought me and how it brought us together --- jiekai, hami, me.

It was Chocolate Day. Giving off 35 boxes of limited edition cappucino flavoured Kit Kat to each TMS student to sell for $2 each, the school must be mad. I thought of jiekai. Coincidentally he was already at Bedok Central so it was convenient in finding. He bought 3 packets at different times, in which 1 was cheated by his friends. I appreciate it! =)

It had been so long, since March holidays, that I last went for ninja-do practices. I really miss it… It is part of my life. Life is meaningless without it unless I forgot the existence of it. . .

Hami has yet collected his purple belt from me. -.-

I’m feeling all kinds of emotions. Breathless, Fatigue, Mindless, Longing-ness… I had FUN during the trainings!!! Now, the one at Marine Parade, first one I had gone to, no longer have classes as the lack of people going there. Bedok sure is near, but. That place. It gives off a familiar feeling… Nothing words can say.

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My first was just a normal crush one would have, but I wasn’t mature and stupidly I accepted him. Things didn’t turn out in any ways. He doesn’t date me, only called me once to ask about my likes and dislikes, see him once or twice each week when I go down to play basketball with jiawen. I don’t consider that ‘being together’, seriously.

He was saying something like anyhow start off my first relationship but come to think of it, are statuses that important? We chatted on the phone almost every night. Occasionally, he would be very sweet. It started from last day of June holidays, when he persuaded me to call him ‘coz I didn’t know how to do History h/w. It was either me or him calling. I guess I wasn’t mature enough then. He sat beside me during classes and he can really be sweet at times. Obstacles ‘zhang ai’ that ‘ai’, donating $50 just to get the TMS lion, (he hasn’t give me! Haha.), et cetera. The sad thing is, I took a really long time to really let him go. Perhaps, it was because this relationship was my very first, decent one. Though we did not hold hands or do anything more than just chatting on the phone, I was happy. What’s past is past. We were still awkward then. Now, normal till there’s nothing I can say.

I wasn’t sure if I were serious, as in, if I really liked him. He just suddenly calls me by those sweet names one late night in gunbound. I just replied him back with the same kind of names. Haha. I didn’t know he liked me then. I guess feelings developed between us. Forgotten on how we started, but we went out on dates. Till one day, on msn, I suggested a break-up. The relationship lasted for less than 2months. The reason was him. Sadly, I wasn’t able to let him go, completely. I guess the past haunted me. I hurt him, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Months later, before June holidays, the relationship between me and him got closer. I had absolutely no idea how it started, though. I guess it was partly because of Samuel. He suggested pool and from then on, we played it almost every week. We began chatting on msn, sometimes, sms. I was ignorant about how I felt towards him and vice versa till someone ‘enlightened’ me. And I asked him about it. Problems occurred though. We had some communication problems. I believed we’re a changed person. We are able to handle problems more easily than the past few years. Although it does seem to some of you that I had one each year, I was true to my feelings.

After going through so much more, I believe we can last. It might only be for a few months more, but I won’t regret. It was nice being with you. and I don’t wish to see anyone getting hurt again.

For now, though there were regrets, I just hope that we can remain as friends. If not for the mistakes made before, nothing like this would be happening. Thus, they’re not so bad after all!

Nothing words can say…
…and the fact remains.

What the world has become.
It made me feel so sad.